Good But Not Good Enough

Mood: Depressed
Now Playing: "Thanks For Nothing (Kiss My Ass)"- The Downtown Fiction


I'm not going to waste alot of people's time with this blog, so it's going to be short and to the point for the most part. I'm tired of being good but not good enough if that makes sense. For those of my readers that are new to what I do as a hobby, I write competively and it can be a headache sometimes to say the least.

Recently I've come to this conclusion that I can win at this game when it really doesn't matter but when it does? I choke... I choke hard, and its normally with one of my favorite creations, Jodie Gray... she's my baby. It seems I can do well enough with her when its just a straight up match with nothing on the line but bragging rights... but a big match with big implications? Nope, not going to happen. I get 'it was a great rp, it was highly entertaining and original...'

So... how did I lose?

If it was these two things along with great match relevance how did I lose? WHY do I keep losing?! And people wonder why I'm burned out? They wonder why I don't do segments... why I stop caring... this is why.

Why should I care when everytime I do? I lose... everytime I go all out and bust my ass, get GREAT feedback and still... I lose. No amount of 'I'm sorry' or 'It was so damned close' relieves that sting of being good but not good enough. No amount of 'you'll get it next time' matters to me at this point... 4 times with this character... 4 failures. I'm just not good enough, am I? I take fault for two of those four, I didn't give my all, i admit that... but the last two? I gave myself a fucking migraine from hell staring at my laptop for 10 hours straight and for what? A pat on my back and a 'you'll get it next time, Jer'? Oh and trolling... can't forget the trolling. So by all means, I know some of you will do just that and for those that will troll me over this like you ALWAYS do... I have one last thing to say.

Thanks For Nothing, kiss my ass.