Now Playing: "Someone Like You" The Summer Set
So for those of you who have read all my blogs, and not just the e-fed ones, you all probably know about my lack of a love life and this blog is going to be along those lines so bear with me and if you only read these for my e-fed ones, you can hit the X at anytime you desire because tonight is just not your night. It's my blog after all and I never promised just to blog about my hobby.
Anyways, you see there is this girl I work with that I kinda... okay, no kinda here, I really really really like her. Just seeing her brightens my day; it's unique given my situation where I was that guy that had basically given up on ever finding someone I'd ever care about again. And for awhile, I just saw her as a friend, this cool yet crazy girl that I got along with and found myself enjoying having conversations with her when the time permitted. But now? Now its becoming more than that and it scares me if I can be honest.
It scares me because of what happened almost two years ago. It scares me because a part of me is nervous about giving myself to someone... scared that I'll just be hurt again. Hell I'm scared that I'm just over thinking things like I tend to do. Seeing things that aren't even there, thinking that there might be a connection greater than being friends. Scared to put myself out there, to go all in... to DTDT, do the damned thing so to speak.
I was asked a few nights ago what I saw in her... and without having to think about it, I answered her personality followed by her looks. She's perfectly imperfect and its the little things she does that make me smile... and not one of those fake smiles I had been putting on for almost two years; but a true smile. And still I'm scared. Because I look at myself and I see nothing worth having her. Nothing of value; sure I'm a 'great friend' and a 'great listener' but I'm no looker. I'm plain... I'm just Jer.
But still I have friends who tell me I should at least tell her how I feel, because in their eyes, I have nothing to lose. They have no clue just how wrong they are. I have alot to lose... my pride, my sense of self worth, damn near everything. You get kicked around enough times and one starts to believe they are worthless; welcome to my world there. I wish this was easy, I wish I could read her like I can read others and am often asked to do for them. But here I am, completely and utterly powerless and it both scares me and excites me. Because for once I have met my match when it comes to doing what I do. It adds another layer to why I really like this girl, not being able to read her like I can do so well on others. Her laugh, her smile, her personality; she's my kinda crazy and yeah... I guess what I'm trying to say is I wish I could say this in person and just be done with it; but factors prevent me from doing so.
And you want to know what the cutest thing is going to be? If she reads this blog... she's so oblivious, she won't know it's about her.
Until next time, this is Jer saying...
[b]You're perfectly imperfect, my love.[/b]
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Monday, December 2, 2013
Random Rant
You know, I'm sure some friends of mine are getting kind of sick of having to hear me rant about the little things in life; but I've found it's better to get it out in the open nowadays than just letting it sit and fester there to the point I just explode later on down the road. But then again I let them rant all the time about the same kind of things and I can only face palm or look them right in the eyes and go.
"Well at least you got someone who's interested in you."
Then comes the vacant stares as if I'm lying to them or I'm speaking a Goddamned foreign language. Let me go on ahead and say this one last time and I hope you finally get it through your head and stop trying to bury it in the proverbial sand in some attempt to make it go away. If everyone including their parents are telling you what I've been telling you; guess what, sweetheart, it's true. No amount of closing your eyes, placing your fingers into your ears, and shaking your head is going to change that fact. You know what is going to kill it though? No, it's not me trying to wake you up and trying to make you make a move. Nor is it your other friends looking out for you, trying the very same thing. This is the part you need to listen to me very very closely because it's been needed to be said for some time now and frankly I'm done sugar coating it; I'm fucking done trying to let 'nature run its course'.
YOUR INABILITY TO ACT ON IT WILL BE THE DEATH OF IT.
You see us males, we are but simple creatures, sweetheart. We have basic needs and functions in life; and unlike you ladies; we don't like 'hard to get'. Believe it or not, we like upfront, blunt, and fucking honesty. If you like us, fucking tell us. You don't like us? Fucking tell us. You want to fuck us? Well by golly gee you got it, TELL US. Don't beat around the damned bush; don't twiddle your damned thumbs; because inability to act on things cause us to believe you are not interested and thus we just go about our merry way oblivious to what you truly wanted. We don't do bread crumbs that lead to the end goal. We might like video games; but we don't like GAMES you ladies like to play with us. Believe it or not some of us guys, we can get the hint and we'll gladly leave you the fuck alone if you just say so. Hell, we'd gladly go out on a date with you, if you actually asked us as well.
You are socially awkward? Well guess what, so is he! This is weird for you? It is for him too. But you know what? Just sitting there being able to say this shit in private to me or to twitter or to whatever other social media platform in which he doesn't use is not going to truly help if you can't say it to him! I'm tired of having to hear about it. I'm tired of reading it. I'm tired of the 'OMG what if he hears?!' I'm just fucking tired of this beating around the bush. Either shit or get off the fucking pot!
You may not like me doing this; but obviously my own brand of bread crumbs didn't work for you. And if that didn't work for you. Why do you expect yours to work for him?
Think about that...
oh and while I'm at it...
Yes I'm a miserable piece of shit sometimes; but Goddamn it, I'm still your friend and if I can't be fucking happy; I at least want YOU to be happy with him. But that's never going to happen until you act.
-Random Rant over.
-Jer
"Well at least you got someone who's interested in you."
Then comes the vacant stares as if I'm lying to them or I'm speaking a Goddamned foreign language. Let me go on ahead and say this one last time and I hope you finally get it through your head and stop trying to bury it in the proverbial sand in some attempt to make it go away. If everyone including their parents are telling you what I've been telling you; guess what, sweetheart, it's true. No amount of closing your eyes, placing your fingers into your ears, and shaking your head is going to change that fact. You know what is going to kill it though? No, it's not me trying to wake you up and trying to make you make a move. Nor is it your other friends looking out for you, trying the very same thing. This is the part you need to listen to me very very closely because it's been needed to be said for some time now and frankly I'm done sugar coating it; I'm fucking done trying to let 'nature run its course'.
YOUR INABILITY TO ACT ON IT WILL BE THE DEATH OF IT.
You see us males, we are but simple creatures, sweetheart. We have basic needs and functions in life; and unlike you ladies; we don't like 'hard to get'. Believe it or not, we like upfront, blunt, and fucking honesty. If you like us, fucking tell us. You don't like us? Fucking tell us. You want to fuck us? Well by golly gee you got it, TELL US. Don't beat around the damned bush; don't twiddle your damned thumbs; because inability to act on things cause us to believe you are not interested and thus we just go about our merry way oblivious to what you truly wanted. We don't do bread crumbs that lead to the end goal. We might like video games; but we don't like GAMES you ladies like to play with us. Believe it or not some of us guys, we can get the hint and we'll gladly leave you the fuck alone if you just say so. Hell, we'd gladly go out on a date with you, if you actually asked us as well.
You are socially awkward? Well guess what, so is he! This is weird for you? It is for him too. But you know what? Just sitting there being able to say this shit in private to me or to twitter or to whatever other social media platform in which he doesn't use is not going to truly help if you can't say it to him! I'm tired of having to hear about it. I'm tired of reading it. I'm tired of the 'OMG what if he hears?!' I'm just fucking tired of this beating around the bush. Either shit or get off the fucking pot!
You may not like me doing this; but obviously my own brand of bread crumbs didn't work for you. And if that didn't work for you. Why do you expect yours to work for him?
Think about that...
oh and while I'm at it...
Yes I'm a miserable piece of shit sometimes; but Goddamn it, I'm still your friend and if I can't be fucking happy; I at least want YOU to be happy with him. But that's never going to happen until you act.
-Random Rant over.
-Jer
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